Year: 2020

It’s been nice being in Burley and having the opportunity to visit Benny’s grave. I’m grateful his tiny body is here, surrounded by family. But as I’ve gone to “visit” him, I’ve felt something different than I think most parents feel at their children’s graves. In fact, I haven’t really felt anything. … Read More >December 30, 2020 – This journey is my own

We feel so grateful to have the blessing of ongoing revelation to help us deal with, learn from, grow through, and bless the lives of others as a result of this experience. … Read More >December 30 – In His own time, in His own way

Today we came to Idaho to visit Tom’s mom for the holidays. We stopped at Benny’s grave and as we walked over to where his little body was buried, I couldn’t help but think of the last time we were here, which was for his graveside service. It feels like it was yesterday but also somehow like it was a lifetime ago. Goodness, so much seems to have changed since then. … Read More >December 28, 2020 – Six weeks

Today I felt like I was able to actually be a good mom to Isaac and Zoey. Certainly not a perfect mom, but a better mom than I have been as I’ve struggled since we lost Benny. But does that mean I didn’t think of Benny enough? … Read More >December 27, 2020 – A bittersweet roller coaster

We made it through a big “first” today. Two I guess. Benny’s first Christmas and our first Christmas without Benny. We’ve heard people talk about how difficult many of the “firsts” are, so we were preparing our hearts and minds for a really tough day. … Read More >December 25, 2020 – The first Christmas

Life is hard and losing Benny has felt like more than I can bear. But, the Lord won’t give us trials beyond our capabilities and strength, right? So how can I make sense of all this? … Read More >December 23, 2020 – More than we can bear

I’ve often heard the quote, “It takes a village to raise a child.” But lately I’ve realized that it also takes a village to support a mother. And as a mother who has needed that support recently, I sure feel blessed to be surrounded by such an incredible village. … Read More >December 21, 2020 – It takes a village

Today felt like an especially hard day. I told Tom though that I’m grateful we’re at least to the point that it feels like we’re not taking more steps backward than we are forward. … Read More >December 20, 2020 – Some days are just hard

When all of this happened, I couldn’t help but think that for the rest of our lives, the holidays would be filled with sadness and heartache because it’s when we lost our angel boy. But over the past couple weeks, I’ve been working on changing my perspective and in many ways, I’ve come to realize that Christmas is exactly where I want to be. … Read More >December 18, 2020 – My Christmas perspective

Well it’s been one month since we lost our angel Benny. It’s been full of what’s felt like the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Honestly, I’m not entirely sure how we made it through. But we have and we are. I’m so grateful for that. … Read More >December 16, 2020 – One month