Mother’s Day was definitely different this year. For the most part, it was a great day and I feel so blessed to have Tom and the babies. I absolutely felt celebrated and realize often I’m the luckiest mama in the world. I knew I’d miss Benny though, and that definitely was the case.
This year it turns out that I was teaching our women’s group at church on Mother’s Day Sunday, and part of me was nervous. I wasn’t sure if I’d be emotional or fine, but I was grateful for the opportunity because I love teaching and thankfully everything went well. Well, mostly well.
I decided a few weeks before that I wanted to try and gather some videos from children in the ward about their mothers. I think one of the sweetest things about being a mom is being able to hear from your babies and see yourself through their eyes for a minute, and that’s what I was hoping to achieve. As I started gathering videos, I realized it would be awesome if I could get even more. I got a few videos from some adult children of women in our ward, but then I started gathering them from the Primary-age children and youth. It was a little tricky trying to coordinate with the dads because I was trying to make it a surprise for the moms, but in the end, it all worked out so incredibly well. Bless Tom’s heart for being willing to take on this project with me, since most of it came down to him putting all the videos together, but it turned out amazing. We ended up with over ten minutes of video clips and it turned into the sweetest video! Plus I still had the longer videos from some of the adult children to show during my lesson, which also turned out so well. We had a few small technical difficulties, which honestly brought me to tears, but we were finally able to make it work out and it was such a tender and sweet experience.
Harvest Hills 6th Ward Mother’s Day Video
Being able to focus in the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day on this project did my mama heart good. It gave me the chance to distract myself, in a positive way, from some of the heartache I was feeling at missing my boy. Plus, I could feel him right alongside me helping me put this all together, and I’m just certain he was thrilled with how it turned out. It was special to feel like in a way, we were working on it together. I love feeling him by my side, encouraging me in what I’m doing. Especially when it’s something special like this video project.
Between church worship services and a family dinner in the afternoon, it was a good and full day. I loved spending time with Tom and the kids, though I did miss my angel boy very much. I was glad to feel him close though and definitely know he was there celebrating with us.
Being a mama has always been the greatest desire of my heart, and for the past three Mother’s Days, we’ve added a new baby to our family to celebrate with us. This Mother’s Day was on track to be the same, but the pictures will only show me with two babies. I wish very much that I was holding my sweet angel boy in the pictures, along with Isaac and Zoey, but that’s not what the pictures will show. However, in every picture we take now, I always look for the glimmers of light in the background that I imagine to be our Benny right there with us. Somehow there’s always some little reflection of light, and it makes my heart feel better.
Mother’s Day was different this year, but as in recent years past, it was wonderful with my husband and babies. I had special moments with all three of them, each in different ways, and I’m grateful to the Lord every day that He trusts me with these three precious spirits.
The journey of motherhood has certainly been different than I expected, with challenges I don’t think I could have anticipated. But, it’s also been sweeter than I ever dreamed with love and joy beyond what I knew this life could hold. I want more than anything to be a mama that Isaac, Zoey, and Benny are proud of. I want to be strong and faithful, patient and loving, kind and encouraging. I hope they never doubt the love I have for them and the privilege it is to be there mother. I fall short every single day. There have been more nights than I care to admit where I’ve gone to bed in tears because I feel like my family deserves better. But the Lord is good and I don’t think He makes mistakes, so I trust that He knew I needed these babies and hopefully somehow they needed me. I trust Him and I trust that even with my flaws, He knows my heart and my kiddos know my heart and they all know that I’m trying. I’m trying so hard and am glad that the Lord loves effort. My babies seem to appreciate it too, and my heart is so thankful for that. They’re more patient with me than I deserve and so quick to forgive my mistakes. My heart about bursts when I realize how pure and tender their love is. I feel blessed to be their mama and I know that Benny is helping me to be the best I can.
I really am pretty confident that I have the three greatest kiddos in the world, given to me by the greatest husband and partner in the world, and there’s nothing more I could have asked for this Mother’s Day.
Beautiful!
Happy Mother’s Day, Tiffany!