June 16, 2021 – Starting a new chapter

This year has been one for the books for our family. 

Like, ALL the books. 

The happily-ever-after fairytale as we welcomed our sweet Benny and completed our family.

The comedy as we tried navigating three babies under two.

The action-and-adventure story as we weathered an ever-changing worldwide pandemic.

The political memoir as we experienced one of the craziest elections our country has ever seen.

The legend of masks, and working from home, and at-home church, and social distancing, and Zoom meetings.

And tragedy’s tale as we lost our angel boy.

It was the worst of times, but looking back on this year, it has also been the best of times.   

As with all the books, eventually chapters come to an end.  The story wraps up or sets up for an awesome sequel.  And we’ve found that’s what’s happening with us.

This year has been a tough one, but it’s also been a wonderful one.  The ups, the downs, and everything in between.  I feel like we’ve experienced a lifetime in the last twelve months, and I know Tom and I both are hopeful this coming year isn’t quite as eventful. 

But no matter what happens, we’re grateful for the story we’ve written – and the story that’s been written by a loving Father in Heaven for us.  With its unexpected twists and turns, we’re grateful to know that our eternal Author has a plan and this past year has been only one chapter in the story that is ours. 

And now it’s time for a new chapter.  A chapter that has us moving forward.  Embracing each day with gratitude and love.  Seizing the opportunities that are ours and making the most out of chances to serve.  Appreciating every moment we get with Isaac and Zoey and our loved ones, knowing we never know when it will be our last.  Remembering and honoring our sweet Benny in everything we do – never forgetting, but refusing to stay stuck in the grief.  Taking every single experience we’ve had over this past year and using them to refine our characters and make ourselves better.

We’re different now.  We’re not the same people we were last summer when Benny joined our family.  We’ve changed in ways I don’t think any of us could have expected.  But I think that’s okay.  I think Benny would be proud.  Proud that we’ve tried to make the most of this tragedy and become the protagonists and not victims of our story.  Proud that through it all, we have recognized the Lord as our hero and the one who has saved the day with His sacrifice and Atonement.  Proud that we want to move forward, with everything we’ve learned, and write a new chapter full of meaning and hope and joy. 

That’s what we want.  And I know that’s what Benny wants.  And what our Savior wants for us.  It all comes back to Him.  The moral of this story – of our story – of any story – is Him.  Looking back on the chapters of our lives so far, He has been there on every page.  Just like the hero of any story, He has lifted us, protected us, spared us, and conquered for us whenever we’ve needed Him.  And because of Him, we know the end of our story will be an eternal happily ever after. 

This online journal has been so vital as I’ve processed the grief of losing our angel boy.  I’ll forever be grateful that Benny inspired me to start writing that week after he passed away.  Looking back, I’m amazed at how far we’ve come.  I can actually see it through each blog post, when I might otherwise have forgotten it.  I can reflect on my feelings and the experiences we’ve had and use them to strengthen me as time moves on.  Through these writings and this story of grief, I’ve found healing and peace and I think I’m finally ready to move forward.  Ready to close this online chapter of our lives and find new ways to capture the miracles we continue to see daily. 

To those of you who have walked with us on this journey and followed this blog, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for being a witness to our suffering and for helping us make it through.  Thank you for loving us and sharing our burden of grief in ways that made it lighter.  Thank you for being a part of our lives and the life of our angel Benny.  Thank you for reading. 

This chapter is now over, but our story is far from done.  We’re looking forward to what life holds for our family in the future, reassured that our foundation is strong and has only been strengthened through the figurative earthquake we experienced on November 16, 2020.  We’ve weathered this storm.  We’ve grown closer as a result. Our faith has been strengthened like never before.  And now we look forward to the sunshine of the future. 

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body. For we which live are always delivered unto death for Jesus’ sake, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our mortal flesh. For our light affliction, which is for but a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory…” 2 Corinthians 4:8-11, 17

“And now, I do not know all things; but the Lord knoweth all things which are to come; wherefore, He worketh in me to do according to His will.” Words of Mormon 1:7

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”  Charles Dickens

Here’s to our next chapter, a season of light in our story, and our eternal spring of hope.