It’s hard to believe that one year ago today we were meeting our angel Benny for the first time. It was a bit of a whirlwind getting him here, including my hardest labor and delivery, but we knew from that first moment we saw his face that he was something special. He was simply a perfect and wonderful baby from day one. I’m not sure how we got so lucky.
What a year it’s been.
Even though Benny’s first birthday wasn’t filled with the celebrations we imagined it would be, it was special in all the most important ways. I think Benny would be pleased and hopefully he feels celebrated in a heavenly way.
We decided that for Benny’s birthday, we wanted to share his sweet light and have others share it too. And then we realized, what better way to spread joy than through ice cream? Ben & Jerry’s ice cream of course, in honor of our Benjamin Jerry. It seemed only fitting.
My morning was spent delivering pints upon pints of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream to family and friends across the valley and in our neighborhood. We gave everyone a pint or two to enjoy with their family, and another pint to give away in order to brighten someone else’s day. It’s been really sweet to hear the stories of the joy that was spread through the ice cream sharing.
Along with the ice cream, I delivered everyone a blue balloon. (Blue for Benny. We’ve definitely made that a thing.)
The balloon was for all of Benny’s loved ones to make a wish, in place of Benny blowing out a candle and making a wish. It turned out better than we could have expected and we loved including so many friends and family members in our celebration.
We even had a story shared about how two of our good friends released their balloon from their top-story condo in downtown Salt Lake, yet somehow the balloon floated down instead of up. As it floated along the city street, a young woman walked by who looked sad and then the balloon was right in her path. She initially passed it but then turned around and grabbed it and continued walking with a big smile on her face. My friend said she thinks Benny knew that girl needed something to cheer her up at that exact moment.
Sounds just like our Benny.
Tom was on a campout with some youth from our ward tonight, and one of the boys suggested they sing “Happy Birthday” to Benny over the fire. Many other friends reached out with pictures of them wearing their blue in honor of our boy and celebrating him in other ways. We’re so thankful for the incredible people who remembered our boy on his special day.
In the afternoon, our neighborhood did a balloon release for Benny at Harvest Park. More blue balloons – it was a wonderful sight. There were so many children there too and that made the experience that much sweeter.
As we released the balloons and watched them float into the sky, I couldn’t help but well up with tears. Eventually the balloons were out of sight, and while they of course made me think of Benny because we were releasing them in honor of him and his birthday, they also made me think of him in a new way.
I had held one of the beautiful balloons in my hand. I had enjoyed its fun and whimsy. And then I had released it into the air. I knew it was real, and I knew it didn’t stop existing just because after a few minutes I couldn’t see it anymore.
Just like my sweet Benny.
I had held my boy in my arms for five months. I had loved him in all the ways a mother could. I had enjoyed his sweet spirit and perfect laugh every day of those five months.
But then I had to release him back to his heavenly home.
And that doesn’t make him any less real. Any less a member of our family. Any less our angel boy.
No. Not at all.
Just because we can’t see our Benny anymore doesn’t mean he isn’t there. It doesn’t mean what we experienced together as a family isn’t real. In some ways, he’s actually felt even more real. Benny has made everything real for us.
Most importantly, Benny has made our faith real. Our beliefs. Our hopes. Our dreams.
Everything Tom and I hold deep in our souls became real the moment we let our boy go.
Heaven wasn’t just an idea anymore – it became real because that’s where our Benny would be.
“Families are Forever” wasn’t just a nice gospel catch phrase anymore – it became real as we more fully appreciated and understood the time and relationship we have with Benny.
Our temple covenants weren’t just things to be taken for granted anymore – they became the real link between us and seeing Benny again.
And our Savior’s life, sacrifice, and Atonement weren’t just Sunday School teachings anymore – they became real as we clung to them, to Him, through the most challenging experience we’ve ever had.
It’s all real. It all became real. And I’m so glad it is.
I’m grateful Benny is.
I’m grateful our Savior is.
And I’m grateful we were able to celebrate our Benny’s first birthday in real ways today, with people who mean so much in our lives.
Happy first birthday, Benny boy.
And many more.
What a beautiful day celebrating our perfect Benny!!!