Every spring, I step back into a world that used to be a pretty significant part of my life – I judge dance competitions. I’ve loved being able to stay involved in dance over the years, in a new and different way as a judge (as opposed to being a coach or dancer). This weekend I judged my second competition for this season, and as I was driving home and “talking” with my Benny, I realized something.
I’m so grateful for second chances.
At the end of the competition Friday night, one of the dancers forgot her solo routine about halfway through the performance and exited the floor crying. Poor thing – my heart broke for her because she was so upset by the experience. Since the competition was nearly over, her parents approached the competition staff and asked if she could try again after the other dancers had finished. This is something that usually happens at least once during each competition, and typically competitions allow dancers a second chance at their performance. Not necessarily to be judged a second time, but for the boost of mental positivity that comes in successfully finishing their routine.
When the competition staff approached myself and the other two judges, asking if we’d be willing to stick around for a few extra minutes to watch this dancer perform her routine, my initial thought was, “Of course!” Unfortunately that’s all it was though – a thought. Because before I could open my mouth, one of the other judges said, “Absolutely not.” The third judge then chimed in and indicated she has “no sympathy for dancers who forget their routines” and that she didn’t want to stick around once the competition was over.
I was a little shocked at the other judges’ responses. I think the point of dance competitions is to help dancers grow and develop and strengthen their love for the sport, not to punish them when they forget or fall short of some arbitrary level of perfection. Needless to say, the dancer didn’t get a second chance to perform her routine and the competition ended.
After we were done, I went and found the dancer to give her some words of encouragement and remind her of the importance and power of persevering. I reassured her we’d all been there and that strength is found in getting up every time we fall. She was a beautiful dancer and I told her that I hoped this didn’t discourage her from getting back on stage.
As I drove home last night, I thought about what I’d said to this dancer and felt like my sweet little Benny was reminding me that I needed to share that same advice and words of encouragement with myself. Losing my boy has driven me to feel like I just want to run off stage (figuratively) and dissolve into a puddle of tears. It’s made me wonder whether or not it’s worth getting up and back out on the floor.
But it’s always worth it. I’ve learned that throughout this experience of loss, and I was grateful for the reminder this weekend. Thank you, my sweet boy.
In continuing to think about this, I realized the only reason I get a second chance (and in my case, a third and fourth and millionth chance) is because the price was paid for me to be able to have those extra chances. By someone who didn’t need a second chance Himself.
I’m so grateful for second chances.
And I’m so grateful for my Savior.
I’m also grateful to have learned that not only does He offer second chances, but He is there with me on stage, encouraging me to get back out there and supporting me in the emotions I feel when things fall apart. He’s not just been there to judge me, or give me a second chance. He’s been there to remind me of my worth and the beauty that comes when we pick ourselves up after a fall. And in moments when I haven’t been able to pick myself up, He’s done that for me, too.
I’m grateful that because of second chances—which are only possible through Him—I have the potential to see my sweet angel baby again. Benny’s made it. He’s with our Savior. He’s where we’re all trying to get. But now it’s up to us to get there. It’s up to me to get there. As strong as my resolve is to do my best and in every way prove myself worthy of joining him in heaven, I continue to fall short. I continue to need more and more chances. I’m trying my best, but my best is only possible with Him. Through Him. And thankfully because of Him, those chances are available if I’m willing to take them.
I’m going to keep taking them. I can’t afford not to. Everything in me needs to see my sweet boy again someday, but that will only be possible if I take advantage of the second chances the Lord affords me.
Goodness, I’m grateful that our Eternal Judge offers second chances.
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